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(no subject) [Jan. 28th, 2010|08:38 pm]
if you are reading this....
hoping for an update....
this goes out to a particular person....
move on with your life, go and burn more bridges.
if you can find an atbash cipher and goodluck.......

Ufxp Blf Qvmmz Nzirv Slyyh!
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(no subject) [May. 13th, 2009|05:34 pm]
At work with gina!
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....... [Sep. 20th, 2008|08:53 pm]
ah so it's been a while since i last wrote on here.
well what and where is my life exactly....
short answer... in transition.
right now i work pretty much all the time it wears me out and i get tired often and easily but hey i'm making some money so working is just exercise to me.
i have been trying to start my college funding back up again, i haven't started on that because i get side tracked buying clothes, and all the gizmos and gadgets that i couldn't afford in the past year because i was paying for school
so i feel that i have earned everything i buy for myself maybe a tad bit wasteful of the cash but hey you only live once i might as well enjoy it.
I finally bought the car i have wanted for like years..... a fully loaded Saturn Sky Redline Turbo. 5spd manual.... mmmm i love it.
it's red, it spoils me and i love it.
it's odd because the car is the complete opposite of me and of itself.
1. i'm not flashy.... i am a rather modest/frugal person when it comes to money.
2. it's a saturn.... saturns aren't flashy cars.... but this one is a screamer.

on the bad side of things, my Pawpaw is not doing well, he is on the long yet short road to see the lord God almighty and our savior Jesus Christ.... i am really going to miss him. he is always in my thoughts and always will be, and i can't wait to see him when we meet again. he is the greateast grandfather anyone could ever have and i am losing a great part of my life when he finally leaves.:( but i know he will be watching over me and blessing everyone moment of my life.

other things in my life that are scary is reaationships..... i can't find one.... can't keep one and am utterly lost and alone as far as that aspect of my life goes. it seems everyone i know has someone but me. oh the days are long and hard the way i live my life.... but i keep telling myself that it is going to get better. i'll start school in the spring of 2009 if not, then for surely in the fall of 2009, i haven't decided on if i want to go to columbia state or make the move to murfreesboro to MTSU and finish up there. All i know is I am not going to be working on that assembly line for the rest of my life. this is my opportunity to get ahead.
i have a full time well paying job and i will be able to support myself as i go to school at the same time, it's almost other worldly to me, i love the fact that i have been given this opportunity to push myself forward.

well that is all for now, i am going to sign off and relax for the weekend i have a long day on sunday with things that i need to take care of.
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hmmmmmm [Jan. 15th, 2008|09:38 pm]
[Listening to |John Mayer (Austin City Limits live)]

i'm having a mental fit right now. for no reason what so ever.
all of a sudden i have become just so bitter about everything and i can't figure out why. I am in a lethargic mood. i can't get into school i can't do the homework that needs to be done. so tomorrow i am switching classes for hopefully a better professor because the one i have currently teaches me nothing and i am pretty much showing myself how to do the homework. she doesn't show everything that needs to be shown in order for me to completely do all the homework.
well in other news, i went for my PT test at GM today, it's looking good that i got the job. I may even be a team leader from what i hear just team leaders are being tested this week. i am pretty stoked about that. it's just one more step closer to management side away from the the "line" and two steps away from an engineering position.
so yes i am excited about that, but at the same time i am scared to leave huntsville even though it's inevitable and i know i must. this dream here has come an end. I am afraid of leaving all my friends here because i have made quite a few and this is where i feel i truly belong. I'd stay, but i can't turn down this opportunity that awaits me. full time with benefits and the thought of financial independence. it's scary because i have no idea where this job is going to take me. who will i meet along the way, will it matter, will this finally show me the one person that will matter the most in my life. will that next step come for me. it's the thought of not knowing that is both exciting and overwhelming at the same time. an indefinite future with independence to do as I please and just have fun. but in huntsville is where i find all the fun. I'm just afraid that once i leave here, that that will be the last i hear from these friends i have made. Also i am afraid of what could have been that i never took a chance on, but i know that i really shouldn't worry like that it's not healthy. but for which i tried with and nothing happened i must bid goodbye because I'll realize that in the end of the day it really didn't matter anyway.
so here i am worrying in this predicament that i will never find this fun again. that is the only thought that i am afraid of. being alone, although i tell myself daily it's how my life was meant to be right now and it should be buried in the back of my mind with the rest of the useless things that i do not need in my life. it's a fear. this fear fuels me negatively. despite all my best efforts it does not ignore me. instead it eats away at my very core.
i don't want to leave, but i know that i have to.
i just need comfort in knowing that what i have now, i will always have in the future.
i don't want to let go nor am i letting go of what little insignificant life i have created here.
this post seems sad, and yes it is........
but that's confusion for you, it never gives you any rope to hold on to.
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ugh. [Dec. 14th, 2007|09:33 pm]
[Listening to |Deftones]

I am a social reject.... turned into a hermit by those who surround me.
there is no companion for me upon this earth.
i have spent many days with nothing but my own thoughts to keep me company.
but do not pity me, for this hand of mine would help you..... yet in times of need i will not seek yours.
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... [Aug. 2nd, 2007|12:24 pm]
[Listening to |Something Corporate]

wow it's been about a slice. the life of Jason has been as boring as ever. sitting here got the ipod on shuffle. it'll play just about anything to dull the silence. so what song does it choose to play other than something corporate and bush. two types of music that really make you think about things. and i really want to be through with everything and just be my own person. life is something crazy... something big, something that most of us forget to stop and look at for a few seconds. we make decisions, we have regrets, and we live with them. that's the fact of life that we all sell short. we forget that we actually have to live up to with what we decided to do with our lives. and it all becomes so overwhelming we forget that all of it is completely in our own hands.we choose is right and wrong, and how to mold it to our standards. that is where the regret comes from. i regret things..... like any normal human being and i know what my faults are and i can accept them. the problem lies within others as they fail to recognize modesty and being open to your fellow person. faults in others are just the excuses for why they choose not to have anything to do with particular people. yes i have flaws and am willing to openly admit them. i am not as cultured as others and i have a personality flaw bigger than that your own personal belief. i also have the fault of putting myself in my own place, and anyone who reads this may understand why i am so reserved when it comes to setting forth an opinion about people. it actually takes a lot of disgust for a person by myself in order for me to come out with how i feel about them. one quality of myself that i have come to love and hate is that reservation. ideas flow through my head like fireworks but i never say them out-loud because of that discretion that may be used upon me. The End?
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long time.... [Apr. 5th, 2007|07:47 pm]
so what it is? not much, not much. i am finished with work, i have been taking it easy just working out and sleeping. i have been meaning to make it out to the golf course but it has either been raining or too cold. it's hard to believe 9 months have gone by so fast. it seems like it was yesterday i was arguing with stupid fickle people of my past. i am glad that is over and done with. hmmmmm what else. that is all. nothing much is happening other than pestering phone calls and text messages from people i wish not to talk to. i'll never make that mistake of catching up with an old high school friend again wow!
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(no subject) [Mar. 12th, 2007|06:34 pm]
wow, work makes me sooo tired. i sleep all of the time, i never have time to do anything because i am tired. but some good news is I only have roughly 12 more days of work left i kind of can't wait at the same time, eh i said all the crap before. so what did i do this past weekend, i went to wal-mart saturday night and bought new video game G.R.A.W 2, it's pretty friggin' sweet! i stayed in and played it the entire weekend. it was nice haha! i got up at 7:00 am on sunday morning and cooked breakfast then proceeded to play my 360 all day until i passed out for a nap about 2:00. i need to do some shopping for summer clothes, more so new clothes in general hmmm what else. i am starting to see why i stopped updating this thing as much, i lead a boring life. who want's a fraud first aid kit?
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my life in twilight..... [Mar. 9th, 2007|08:26 pm]
[I'm Feeling |nostalgicnostalgic]
[Listening to |ELO - Telephone Line]

how are you you? haha....
wow, it has been a long time since i have updated this thing. life has been the same as it ever was, always working, always busy. work really drains it out of me. but i am currently making bank. it's a sad day that i only have 2 more weeks left of making $22/hour. and to think for a solid 2 months i was getting overtime at time and a half. wow, this is one job i will never forget. it helped me realize a few things and it has also gotten me into better shape. I remember when i first took the job i dreaded going in every day, now it's such a part of my routine i am afraid of all the free time i will have when i am laid off. anyways there are things in the past my job has helped me get over and get through. ya know it's kinda funny what money can do to a person. how much it motivates them and exactly what they will do for it. i have been blessed. my situation of the heart therefore has changed, i have realized what i want to do with my life and where i want to be, but no idea who i want to be there with. the one person i was with a year ago to this day i thought was it has become a distant memory, something that hardly ever crosses mind anymore. and i say that with no reserve at all. it's odd how i thought it would always hurt but it barely does anymore. i gave my all and more, i really tried. tried hard enough to realize that it just wasn't for me. there are so many other things that can make me happy. money is one of them, a nice car, nice things, and a steady financial base that i can call my own. i get off topic really fast on this thing and it's easy to lose track of what i am saying. but hey it's livejournal. this is my life in twilight.....
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long time [Jan. 10th, 2007|01:34 pm]
[I'm Feeling |contemplativecontemplative]
[Listening to |Bush - Letting The Cables Sleep]

here i am. at my apt. again.
i'm just listening to an amazing song, and it made me think about things.
yes i have been an asshole at times never thinking before i say things, but some of those things needed to be said. at the same time all those things were said through the darkness. because no one really knew what was going on at the time and it just hurts, so natural reaction is just to run from it thus creating this silence to the situation never finding the true hell it really was. evenutally you lose time and forget about all of it. yet i can't seem to figure out why things happen or why they happened. even more so why i let go and why i am letting go. the song really made me think about how you can become so wrapped into the situation that you become a stranger to all you used to know it's sad and numbing at the same time. it's an escape. it's the silence yet again. but you've ran sooo much you just don't care. so i leave it with a verse from the song.

silence is not the way
we need to talk about it
if heaven is on the way
we'll wrap the world around it
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